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HEY GUYS!
Once again I have decided to write a little thoughtfulness on my lonely xanga.
This post is probably going to be a VP.
[Vent Post]
So if you really don't want to bother with reading,
that is cool.
I do understand.
HOWEVER
If you do want to bother,
and you do,
could you please pray for me?
Please pray that the Lord will work in my heart.
Pray that He will heal my tongue and
my earthly inability to make sense while trying to share His Truth with others.
HONESTLY
... k. here we go ...
Dear Jesus,
I love you so much!
And I know you know that.
I am so so frustrated right now with some things.
Some of those things are personal between You and I.
But Lord, I just want to openly plead to You,
to help me grasp Your Goodness and Your Truth;
That I can capture them into my heart,
and soak up the nutrience that they are for my soul.
Jesus I feel like I am eating of the Food that you have provided,
but my spiritual body is not digesting it into substances that my body can use to its full potential.
Just like I eat wisely to keep my body healthy,
I need to read Your Word to keep me spiritually healthy.
Your Word is food to make me strong.
God, when Your Word is strong in me,
I feel like it is trapped INSIDE of me
because of my lack of ability to bring it back out and share it with others.
!!!
GOD, I AM SO ANNOYED!!!
I ask you to give me the ability to explain.
I ask you to fire in me such a desire to share,
that it'll just overflow out of me spontaneously and clearly.
A PURE OUTBURST AND OVERFLOW OF YOUR TRUTHS.
And God, may they be YOUR Words coming forth,
because MY words seem always to fail to make any sense.
Have you ever been confronted, in one of those theological discussions with a friend,
with a question that only required a basic answer, based on the very foundations of Jesus Christ;
and you fumbled your way around in your brain to try to come up with the most profound answer,
the one answer that you thought would be the most convincing and powerful...
...and when your friend and you part ways for the evening,
you re-run the conversation in your head
and you smack yourself across the face
because you gave a horribly dry answer to their simple question.
You wanted so badly to "win" your friend over, that you
sugar-coated; bunny-trailed; elaborated
all over, when the simpliest and purest answer would have sufficed...
and in the end, you simply smothered it by your desire to sound wise and spiritual.
.I have.
THIS IS WHY, relying on my OWN understanding and my OWN strength is no good.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN, JESUS???
This is exactly why I am SO sick of myself getting in the way when the Holy Spirit is trying to speak!
How the heck do I get out of the way to let You speak??
I am merely suppose to be an instrument;
instruments don't change their sound/tone/purpose when they are played.
I wish so badly that You would control me --
-- so much so that I wouldn't even have to make an effort
and words would magically come out of my mouth.
Like a dumbie.
Or a puppet.
I wish you would control me like that.
How do I get to that point, Lord?-
-what is the point that I need to get to to let you control me like that?-
where I am so confident in letting You speak through me like that?
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
Jesus, I have to be honest with you...
I am so frustrated right now with my lack of ability to explain myself through speech.
I can't be a butt right now and neglect to thank you for what you HAVE blessed me with --
-- I feel that you have blessed me with the ability to write and express myself through writing ...
but how about SPEAKING, Lord?!
I need help with speaking!
Whether it be one on one with a friend...
in a group...
at work...
at church...
with my best friends...
with people I don't even like to be around...
ANYWHERE, Lord!!!
help me to be able to explain YOU
To share Your Secrets
To share Your Joys
To share Your teachings
To share the Power of of HOLY SPIRIT
and to share the things you have blessed me with
through my speech!
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